To Be Loved

Love is...crazy. It’s messy, and confusing, and very, very complicated.

But I’m not talking about the love that exists between two partners. I’m talking about the love that exists between two people. Just, people.

I recently told a friend that I loved her, and it scared the crap out of me. I was scared. I’d never been in a relationship before. Never felt such a strong feeling for anyone. Was I going crazy? Was I weird? Because I said “I love you” when I don’t even have any experience dating?

And then I realized, through a set of grueling days that have since become an important part of my summer: Love is not romance. To me, romance is cheesy. It’s the steamy, okay-look-away-awkwardly moments in movies and TV shows that are acts of lust. It’s marketed, a feature of the entertainment industry.

Love, is much more real. More nuanced. It’s more than “holy heck, you’re cute, let’s date.” In simplest terms, love is caring for someone, and letting them know that you’re there. A presence, within a life. This can extend to family relationships as well as friendships, and we all know that companionship is an extremely important part of life. But, when does love become a unique feeling? Special, to the point where it’s this big ball in your chest whenever you look at them?

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Here’s a story: I had a best friend (well, I still do, but.) Loved her. To bits. Then somewhere along the line, I fell in love with her. No idea how, or what, but I could tell the feeling.

Friendship is a beautiful thing. It’s reaching yourself to someone new, someone fresh, and being brave enough to take that first leap into potential awkwardness and conversational silence (...we’ve all had it). But when you get over that initial thorn, friendship becomes such a beautiful thing. It is an affirmation of companionship, of presence, of “I will always have your back, no matter what.” It’s running to their dorm room at 2 in the morning with milk tea (college is wild), and staying up texting with them all night. It’s sending each other simp songs and somehow, strangely, enjoying the fact that you’re crying at 1 in the morning as Ariana Grande blasts on your phone.

Friendship is a coastline of gentle memories, where you drive along in content and gaze at the sights. It’s a burst of fresh sunlight, where moments explode into birth. With each wave and turn-of-the-tide, life brings about fresh memories. With each year are new joys, new happiness, new stupidity (because, really, every friendship is built on goofing around :)), and new memories. It’s an absolute joy.

Love, is all these things, and more. It’s taking an already deep connection with someone, and expanding it even further, into that hard-to-explain, easy-to-be-in realm, where logic gives the reins to emotion, and lets it lead the way. That’s why it’s called ‘falling in love’; it’s a slow burn, where you gently ease into the feelings, and let them take ahold of you, one piece of your heart at a time.

Through my love for this girl, I’ve learned one of the most important things about myself: I love, so much. That doesn’t mean that I love a lot of things (I do!), but that I love with all of my heart. Love is spirit. It’s positivity and energy. I look at anything, and I try to see the good in it. Like, why is that tree so beautiful? Why is my friend’s ridiculously unattractive Snapchat so nice? It’s because nature is just doing its thing, bestowing its beauty upon us. It’s because my friend even cared enough to send me a snapchat, and make me laugh, and smile.

Love is an appreciation of what is there, simply because it is. It’s seeing the beauty in anything, and all things. In the same vein, love is seeing the beauty in another person. It is a lens, to look inside them, and value them for what they are. It is looking at their imperfections, staring at it, then saying: “Embrace them.”

That love, it centers the one who is loved. It lets them know that whatever they are going through- whatever turmoil of emotions life forces them into-, that someone is right there, along for the ride. It is a presence; a comfort of mind. It’s also a fantastic motivation. If someone loves me for who I am, then that means that I am worth loving. That makes me want to work harder now, and become a better person. If someone loves me despite my mistakes, despite my failures...that tells me that I am more than what I am not. A person’s love - a rare, treasured thing- moves worlds beyond belief. It mends cracks, and fills you up. It’s a power, like no other.

It’s also pretty dorky!

Several times a day, I’ll just smile like an idiot. Just thinking of a face-a pair of eyes, a mouth, their smile; and laughing at it- is something so genuine, and so simple, that you kinda just want to laugh at how stupid it is at how stupidly happy they’re making you. People become happy by following their dreams, and achieving huge amounts of success, and here I am, smiling like a giddy idiot at someone’s face?

It’s wonderful. It’s ridiculous, and heart-achingly wonderful. To find joy in something so natural- a person, pure, as they are.

Think about that. You are loving someone for their true self. You have no designs to remake them, no desires to fix their mistakes. You’re loving someone for the pure reason that they are simply, being, themselves, and I think that’s an incredible, wonderful thing to do. You’re appreciating that they are simply human; deeply, deeply flawed, and vulnerable. Yet, despite all that, you have enough room in your heart to care for them.

That’s incredible.

So, as I say, it is an honor to be loved. An honor to be appreciated, simply for the reason that you are. A privilege, to know that you mean that much to someone; that they have given their heart to you, in confidence, and in trust. A wonder, to know that you are worth loving; a beautiful thing, to love.

Saying “I love you” is the hardest thing I have ever done.

It is the best thing I have ever done.